Dad: I hate this tape! It's so sticky...

(After straightening my hair) Me: I hate the smell of burning hair. Dad: You know what smells w...

Mom: Get sexy, we're going to Target.

(Brother and I arguing) Me: Quit being gay! Brother: No, you're gay! Dad: Both of y'all stop i...

Dad: "Deer! Look a deer!....Oh wait no, it's only a dog." Me: "Um dad...that's a goat."

Mom: (at a pizza restaurant) I would like the vegetarian pizza, with meat

Mom: "Why do I smell oranges...? AM I HAVING A STROKE?!"

(My father is about to wake up) Dad: Shit! There are ropes coming out of the ceiling! THE NINJA'...

Me: I found the bus! Mom: Are you on it or did you get hit by it?

Me: I get to do the flour project! Dad: What's that? Me: It's when you carry around a flour sac...